In a raging sea of flame.

•April 18, 2018 • Leave a Comment

I smell blood rising from the water.
Red steam wavering, platinum surface.
Limbo place, a gray that suffocates.
Emerging from thick clay mud,
I peer crocodile style above the lip of liquid.
Black eyes against cracked paleness
See this land in flat perspective.
Nothing if not watching,
I am made of sight grafted to skin.
Bare, white trees border this primordial pool.
Skeletal arms of wood tremble at the sky.
Every part of me awake, a raw nerve walking,
I have sought this very moment to hatch.
Signal caught, a net of words woven tightly,
Indication of deeper knowledge to come.
You are a shard of mirror glass hanging.
I feel your glinting on my face, warm.
Move like a snake to get closer to your light,
Swift and low, breathless and silent.
Carapace hardening in the air,
I have been remade to follow the beacon.
This striking, hard and severe,
Massive bells tolling arrival, calls to pray.
When I find you, the stinger will sink everywhere.
I will have become a nest of wasps
Vibrating with information and energy,
Unable to handle the volume of the swarm.
Perched on your windowsill, singing of venom,
I clutch at my own heart with cold fingers.
Desperately driven to give you what I hold.
As if this lust were a molten thing melting
Holes through my body, widening me.
I feel rapturously unable to withhold anything.
It has been written that a dragon’s blood
Will burn through steel like acid.
It cannot be absorbed by the earth,
So it rests eternally above ground,
Resinous and jewel precious,
To be burned, sacred smoke and ash.
I climb willingly down into this furnace,
Every step I’ve taken across scarred lands
Has been to find you on the periphery of purgatory,
Just beyond the place of sinking.
You shine high, smelling like the heart of the sun.
I will wear you like a skin, hold you in all pockets,
Say your name at the moment you say another.
Some witchcraft, this want, to burn like it does.

20180107_01074n4

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People are useless in the moonlight.

•February 13, 2018 • Leave a Comment

This swagger is mine and so offensive to you.

That I own myself, thought and skin, word and deed,

Abrades all your glass surfaces.

You never said the actual words.

Liar.

Whore.

Sick.

Yet, everything you did say resulted in that familiar

Hollow churning in my guts.

Your judgment hung like choking vines

Draping my body, camouflaging our history.

It was never a matter of concern, only ownership.

I was a thing to fill until I was full.

The very things you said you loved

Became blades lodged in your throat.

You want badly to spit the taste of me,

So bitter, so wrong.

To tell me in chosen words that

I am a mistake you made in the dark.

Suff3

 

 

 

 

 

It’s a hollow play but they’ll clap anyway.

•February 4, 2018 • Leave a Comment

Caved in, move one rock at a time. A familar place, this one. Too much dust on the windowsill and a light on in the upper room. So empty, the place you once were. The wind blows right through me, my heart an ember that glows like a beacon. Hop around in the snow covering all my memories, leave your delicate footprints behind. Loss gets no easier with repetition. A turning under of what we were, a new reality of echoes.

Too many to count.

•January 29, 2018 • Leave a Comment

The first time, a sting so intense I was stunned.

The second time, an ache rang from my ribs.

The third time, I tried to stay quiet.

The fourth time, my breath left me.

The fifth time, a hollow place formed out of your view.

The sixth time, admitted dog with a bone.

The seventh time, I dug a few graves.

The eighth time, I came back around to failure.

The ninth time, numbness curled up against my eyelids.

The tenth time, my ignorance was revealed in sterile light.

Oh, and on. We’re not doing swimming swans. What I can say is that I was permissive. I earned a thirteenth and a twenty-first time by allowing a third. That you think this was all for nothing is currently dissolving my tongue.

if-then

•December 6, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Be
Loving
Patient
Available
Compassionate
And
Listen
Support
Extend
Return
But
Recede
Halt
Challenge
Need
Then
Cornered
Chastised
Undervalued
Blocked
So
Emptied
Loaded
Doubted
Ended

Lightning

Void

•December 6, 2017 • Leave a Comment

I’ve been here before.
The profound love I have for another human,
Mismanaged, misunderstood, misdirected.
I spent a lot of time in fear of our outcome.
Suspecting, even within what they said was love,
That I could make them leave if I did or said the wrong thing.
A threat, coiled and brittle.
A carpet of needles to skirt and toe.
A resounding voice screaming inside me to shut my mouth.
The message is clear:
If I assert myself, you will leave.
Not just exiting my life, no.
You will choose to vanish,
A smoldering void where you once stood.
For so long, I thought it was me who made them go.
I had the power of awfulness, of toxicity
Great enough to push them beyond the door.
They’d chew off their limbs to escape the trap of me.
Revisiting this energy, I know for the first time
I cannot make you feel love that you don’t trust.
I cannot extend my arms across this emptiness.

Swallow

Like the cancer in the system.

•December 4, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Our bodies promised to men the day we’re born.
From the time we’re small, our skins are embroidered with messages of obligation.
No escape from the knowledge that we are prey.
All the ways you told us to be watchful,
To be vigilant in protecting someone else’s possession.
A purity that, once lost, would be eternally gone.
Line us up in our modest dresses,
Lead us to the altar of the white light and make us kneel.
Marry us off to those whose mark will last.
The palpable sense of their higher value coiling in our throats.

We have been trained to make homes for everyone but ourselves.
Now, those homes are everywhere and we are in every single one.
The beds we’ve made become constrictors,
The food we serve, poison.
When you touch us, our skins are fire.
Upon recoil, you are made aware of your deepest fear.
Your birthright of power and dominance is a lie.
Whatever potency you’re supposed to carry in you
Was handed down from us.

You may have been sleeping.
You may have been willfully turning away.
You may have been hiding in plain sight.
Best take note:
We no longer stoop to conquer.
Watch us rise to our full height,
Strong backs extending.
Shudder in awe of our power to create and destroy.
Aghast at how carefully and thoroughly we can suss out
The truth of your darkness and what secrets it spills.
In your every word and deed
An unsustainable scheme is revealed.
Trust that we know when it’s time to pull a tick.

Scarback