I’ve been here before.
The profound love I have for another human,
Mismanaged, misunderstood, misdirected.
I spent a lot of time in fear of our outcome.
Suspecting, even within what they said was love,
That I could make them leave if I did or said the wrong thing.
A threat, coiled and brittle.
A carpet of needles to skirt and toe.
A resounding voice screaming inside me to shut my mouth.
The message is clear:
If I assert myself, you will leave.
Not just exiting my life, no.
You will choose to vanish,
A smoldering void where you once stood.
For so long, I thought it was me who made them go.
I had the power of awfulness, of toxicity
Great enough to push them beyond the door.
They’d chew off their limbs to escape the trap of me.
Revisiting this energy, I know for the first time
I cannot make you feel love that you don’t trust.
I cannot extend my arms across this emptiness.


~ by Athena on December 6, 2017.

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